Love comes in so many different shapes and forms. You can find it in friendships, family, romantic partners or even in material things we yearn for. We use and misuse this word a lot. And very often we believe when we say YES to everything that it means that we show and confirm our love to someone.
We are almost convinced it means agreeing with everything is the way to go. But do you know love doesn’t mean that you have to say YES to everything? It very much also means that we can and should say NO!
A lot of us have a distorted thought of what love is
Especially romantically or when it comes to family. Common sense sometimes goes right out of the window. We might believe that showing true love means to agree with our partner constantly or let family walk all over us, because, you know, that is how we show love. Maybe you have been taught from early childhood, that agreeing with people is the way we show how much someone means to us. This is a very toxic way of loving people and definitely a form of non-growth and not living our authentic self. And when we are not authentic, we will not attract the people in our life who resonate with us. Which very likely will lead to a miserable life.
Why saying YES when we want to say NO has nothing to do with love
Emotional connections are beautiful and can be very nurturing. They also have a downside when we do not agree with something in those relationships and feel we need to trade in our truth and our authenticity for making sure we are being loved. That is where we fall into the trap. Love does not mean that you agree with EVERYTHING. It respects diversity and boundaries. It lets us grow, and we only can grow when we meet people with different backgrounds, views, and knowledge.
We might feel we are rocking the boat or that our “honeymoon-period” with this person is over when we disagree. Remind yourself that disagreeing with something or saying NO to something does not have to end up in a full-blown argument. People who love you will respect different opinions and respect your boundaries.
When should we say NO?
You should say NO when:
- It oversteps or undermines your boundaries
- It makes you feel uncomfortable
- Someone demands that only when you agree with them, you show that you love them (if that is the case run as fast as you can!!!)
- It destroys your self-love
Love sometimes means you have to say goodbye
We all have the romantic movies in our head where we have been told that true love conquers all and it will always have a happy end and people stay together. Sometimes we have to wave goodbye to someone we love because maybe boundaries have been not respected. Or we might be toxic for each other. This can count as much for friends and family as it does for romantic interests and partners.
It also could be that we have to accept that someone that meant the world to us does not want to be in a relationship with us anymore. The worst thing is to cling to hope that they will come back. Let them go and let them grow, as much as it might hurt you.
I wish for you that you can say NO without feeling guilty or feeling unloved.
Related Articles: Four Reasons Why Setting Boundaries in Your Relationship is SO Important
Article written by Jennifer White of Strong Heart Awakening. Jennifer White Ad. Dip. Psych. is a global human potential thought leader, blogger, Psychological Therapist with CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) skills, Life Coach and Public and Motivational Speaker. Jennifer White has experience in counseling and coaching people with substance misuse, anxiety and depression. She is currently working as a self-employed Psychological Therapist and Life Coach in her practice, helping people reaching their real potential. Jenny holds public and motivational speeches and shared her ideas with other speakers on the stage of the Celebrate Your Life event in Arizona 2016. She runs successfully her self-development and self-help groups on- and offline.
©Love Wide Open