What To Do When You Find Yourself in a Sexless Marriage
Let’s start by acknowledging that a lack of sex in your marriage or a sexless marriage does not automatically mean a loss of attraction. There are a number of factors that can cause a couple to stop having sex. Health issues are prominent among the reasons couples stop having sex. Not just injuries or illnesses but also age-related changes and inhibitions brought about by an aging body image. Mental health is an important factor. Depression can lead to a lack of interest in sex as can certain medications or a substance abuse issue. For couples with a busy lifestyle, work and social commitments may take priority in their lives over sex. Couples with children or aging parents living in the home may find a lack of privacy leads to a sexless marriage. A number of these are discussed in Psychology Today. Regardless of the reason you and your partner stopped having sex, returning to a marriage that includes sex will take some forethought.
Here are some examples of what you should consider:
Communicate with each other
Talking openly with your partner about the lack of sex in your marriage is the first step to changing that pattern. You and your partner may both feel frustration that a lack of sex has become a perpetuating issue in your marriage. While it can be beneficial to understand how you got to this point be careful not to blame your partner or assume blame yourself. Neither of you needs to carry guilt about a lack of sex in your marriage and trying to place blame will only advance a divide between you. Instead, communicate a desire to initiate new patterns or changes in your marriage so that sex can be a part of your partnership again. Be realistic about obstacles by evaluating your home life honestly. For example, is one partner responsible for all of the household chores, thereby creating a work environment at home, while the other partner is “off the clock” the minute they walk through the door? Such arrangements can build resentment and lead to a lack of sex over time. Try to uncover imbalances in your relationship like this so you and your partner can find a way to share responsibilities.
Focus on intimacy
Sex and intimacy are two separate things. Sex is a physical act between you and your partner, while intimacy is a sense of closeness between you and your partner. The damage created by having a period of your marriage in which you don’t have sex is that it erodes self-confidence and can lead to a lack of intimacy. To bring intimacy back to your marriage try massage, hugging, and spooning to reconnect physically without the pressure of sex. Intimacy can also be found in nostalgia. Try sharing recollections of all that your marriage has been through. Look at photo albums together or visit places that are significant to your marriage. LISTEN to each other.
Take a vacation
Yes! Relieving yourselves of day to day responsibilities by taking a vacation will allow you the time to reconnect. Just make sure the vacation you choose is not action-packed. If your vacation is overly scheduled with sight-seeing and on the go every second activities, you’ll find yourselves too exhausted when you arrive back at the hotel to nurture your desire to have sex. This vacation needs to allow for plenty of unplanned time to just relax and be with one another.
Overcoming this time in your sexless marriage can bring you and your partner even closer than you were before. You will feel renewed in your commitment to one another. Working through a difficult period can strengthen your trust and belief in each other. And soon, you will find yourselves doing more than canoodling under the sheets again.
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