Here’s a “relationship” topic we have yet to write about on Love Wide Open and that is the topic of setting boundaries. So often in relationships, words like ‘boundary’ and ‘individual’ are frowned upon for whatever reason. In reality, setting boundaries to protect both your and your partner’s individualism is necessary for a truly happy and healthy relationship.
When you love someone so wholeheartedly it is difficult to tell where your needs are to end and theirs are to begin. You want to give them the world even if it means sacrificing your own. While this is okay every now and again (depending upon the circumstances at hand), it is important to set boundaries so that you do not become lost in the desires of another while neglecting your own.
Here are four reasons why setting boundaries in your relationship are so important:
Boundaries allow you to maintain your own energy and aura – We all have a spiritual aura about us. This aura is your own and should not be shared or stolen (even if stolen unintentionally) by others, not even the ones in your life that you love the most. When you and your partner fell in love with each other, you fell in love with the individual people. Their aura attracted you to them and vice-versa. When we become possessive of one another we overtake that aura and the individual is lost. Boundaries prevent possession and negative emotions from overtaking the relationship.
Boundaries allow us to stay on a path where there is no place for codependency- When a partner is in need of excessive taking care of and attention from their significant other, codependency creeps in resulting in self-loss, loss of freedom, and extreme emotions of stress, guilt, and unhappiness. For this reason, boundaries in a relationship are important beyond belief. You must set boundaries so that you do not feel responsible for the other person’s problems. Allow them to take responsibility for their own lives and you refuse the guilt. You will not give up you for them. In a relationship with boundaries, there is no room for codependency. That brings us to the next point:
Boundaries forbid others from taking advantage – Setting walls between you and your partner that does not allow them to take advantage of your love and kindness is extremely important. It is not your job to live their life for them, but rather you should live together as equals and share in the happy times and support through the bad times. If one is constantly taking advantage of the other, mutuality and equal love does not exist in the relationship.
Boundaries allow us to explore talents and interest that our partners may not share – If you always do what your partner wants to do and refuse to explore your own interests, you become but a puppet of another’s desires. No one wants to live as an extension of another person. It is much better to maintain your own life so at the end of the day you and your partner have lives to share.
What are the takeaways?
In the end, relationships without boundaries will likely become miserable, codependent, and likely to be filled with anger and resentment. One person will become sick due to enabling while the other completely lost in the desires of others. That’s a place no one should be, especially not the ones you love more than anything.
Ask yourself this question, what kind of boundaries do you have with your partner? They may not like it, but it’s never too late to start setting boundaries and building upon them. If your partner gets upset as a result (and that is often the case) then the greater the need for the boundaries.
Much love in your journey for a better relationship. Thanks for tuning in and remember you’re welcome to share your stories below!
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