You trusted someone with all your heart only to find out that you have been used, so how do you get over being used by the person you trusted? They took advantage of you, maybe it was your kindness, your knowledge, or it was your network of people they were after. It can happen in a romantic relationship, love interests, colleagues, family or friends. It hurts a lot, and it very often makes us question our kindness and sanity.
Your thoughts might be, that you will never ever trust anyone again or that you are just too kind for this world that appears so cruel. Before you get bitter, let’s have a look how you can get over this and heal.
You had something they wanted!
Yes, you had something they wanted. This might be any material things, like money or maybe your attention, love, your knowledge or your network of people. Sometimes it could be even your time or working for free for someone who will never pay you back or never appreciates what you are doing for them. People use you and take advantage of you because you have something they need. Remember this; those people deal with a mindset of lack, they believe that they are winning only to find out that what they were gaining is an only short-lived success.
If someone steals your idea, it is your idea; there is very likely no depth to it or more in-depth knowledge of it from their side. When someone is using you, they know that it will be only a quick fix to a problem they have. They might do it to a lot of people and these days with Social Media and people talking more openly than ever it is very likely that they will be exposed. You won’t be the first one they used, trust me!
Never believe that kindness is a weakness!
After feeling humiliated, we might question our kindness. We might believe from today on we are not giving any kindness to anyone or we refuse to help anyone. Before you get bitter, understand the following. Your kindness is NOT a weakness. You gave out of a mindset that believes in abundance, sharing, collaboration, and love. These are beautiful frequencies. Yes, it hurts when someone takes advantage of you, but understand that those people will at the end of the day harm themselves because they believe that taking advantage of someone is the only way they can move forward and win in life.
Learn healthy boundaries!
When we meet new people, and they appear interested in us, our heart sometimes starts to overflow. We want to give; we are almost like in a honeymoon period even if it is only a friendly or working relationship. Giving is okay but do not forget to set boundaries. If people only like you or are interested in you when you give them what they ask for then, alarm bells should ring. Any genuine relationship no matter, if it is professional or personal, should respect your boundaries and still respect you when you say NO. Being used is an option, we only need to raise our own awareness.
How do you deal with your emotions?
Shock, sadness, disbelief, anger, frustration these are emotions you very likely will experience. Cry, talk to someone about it you trust. Yes, if you have the guts, tell the person who used you how you feel. But do not make the mistake to make them responsible for your feelings. I know you might ask why because they seem to be the reason for your pain. However, your response is your responsibility. What do I mean by this? We all will come across people who will hurt us. When we make people responsible for our feelings, we give them the power over our happiness. The only person who has control over your happiness is YOU.
Telling them that you feel that you have been used is okay. Sometimes, of course, we might misunderstand, and we can solve the dispute. I am aware that there are narcissists out there who might play that game of making you feel insecure about how you feel and question your sanity. The only advice I can give is that people who did not want to take advantage of you will feel horrified that you believe that this is what they did.
Being used will happen to all of us in our lifetime. You are not the only one who will feel like this. Let go, surround yourself with nurturing people. Concentrate on the people in your life who are lifting you up, who give back. Forgive yourself for trusting people who used you. In forgiveness, we finally let this toxicity go and do not give them any space in our thoughts anymore. Because time is precious, choose it wisely and spend it with the people who are good for your soul.
Let us know how you have moved on from any situation where you were being used.
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Article written by Jennifer White of Strong Heart Awakening. Jennifer White Ad. Dip. Psych. is a global human potential thought leader, blogger, Psychological Therapist with CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) skills, Life Coach and Public and Motivational Speaker. Jennifer White has experience in counseling and coaching people with substance misuse, anxiety and depression. She is currently working as a self-employed Psychological Therapist and Life Coach in her practice, helping people reaching their real potential. Jenny holds public and motivational speeches and shared her ideas with other speakers on the stage of the Celebrate Your Life event in Arizona 2016. She runs successfully her self-development and self-help groups on- and offline.
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