Relationships have their ups and downs and knowing that doesn’t make a disagreement with your spouse less painful. Being upset after a fight with the person you love the most is one of the worst feelings in the world. In fact, it is in this state of mind that many get sucked into a rabbit hole of depression, sadness, and pain. If you hold on to these emotions and allow them to cycle within, it could, and almost certainly will cause more damage to your relationship.
Recovery from a big fight isn’t easy, but it is possible.
Here’s what to do after a disagreement:
Take time to reflect:
This goes for both of you. Time heals, it’s true. Sometimes we need time to heal after a big fight. Fights create a lot of upset and negative emotions and it is better to let these pass over you before you engage again with your spouse. Take the time that you need before trying to make up.
Accept the fact that you both likely have hurt feelings and don’t punish your partner for it:
If you have hurt feelings, most likely your partner does too. Remember, a relationship isn’t all about you, it’s about both of you. The fact that you had such an emotional fight, to begin with, is evidence that you both are hurting. It’s not fair to continue to punish your partner for the hurt feelings. Let go of the anger and accept that you both are hurt and move on.
Forgive:
Forgive not just your spouse, but forgive yourself and the universe and whatever else you might be upset or angry about. Forgiving means letting go of the things that cause you the most pain by acknowledging their existence and controlling them instead of allowing them to control you.
Don’t hold back affection:
One of the most devastating things you can do after a big fight is to hold back affection from your spouse. If you do this, it will make a larger gap between you. Hurt feelings will become more hurt and resentment sets in. When you love someone, mad or not mad, be affectionate and give love as often as you can. No one should seek out to cause pain to their spouse. Rejection is a most hurtful action. Stop the cycle and don’t lash out just because you are upset.
Some fights cut so deeply that you will remember the hurt feelings for a lifetime. Being hurt isn’t always a bad thing. It helps us become wiser, better people and helps prevent the pain from taking hold again (see Finding the Beautiful in Moments of Darkness). With your spouse, it is important to accept the darkness and move on to a place of forgiveness. In the process of opening your heart space, there is no place for bitterness or resentment. Learning to love wide open isn’t always an easy task. It takes practice and a willingness to love each other with compassion. We wish you much luck in your life of happiness, gratitude, and love.
What are some things that you believe are important after a disagreement with your partner? We would love to hear from you.
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@Love Wide Open
