We all have been through times of loss. Job loss, relationship breakups, money or in the worst cases death. Of course, people around us try to help as much as they can, but there are definitely things you should avoid saying when someone experiences any form of loss.
Things to avoid saying in times of loss.
You will be okay.
Well, yes probably or maybe not, but this person is not in the mindset to understand that yet. Very often it takes us a while to realize what has happened and how to pick up the pieces and glue them back together. Maybe we won’t be okay for a while. Or how do we know that they will be? A job loss, for example, might come with money problems or additional losses like selling the house or other belongings to survive.
You are going through a loss and feel probably pretty weak. Maybe you even beat yourself up that you feel weak. All you do is crying. Be strong has this whiff of not allowing a person to feel weak. Let them cry; maybe they have been too strong for far too long. Holding in emotions can be actually really harmful.
I saw this coming.
Not only do you deal with a loss, but now someone is telling you that they watched you and your circumstance you were in and what they are saying is that they predicted your misery. A very toxic person for sure and someone you do not want to surround yourself with. This is especially bad if you lose a loved one to addiction. Or maybe you deal with a relationship breakup where you found out that your partner broke up with you because they found someone else.
It had to happen.
This often comes from a place where people predict that something better is around the corner for you or that this belongs to your path of personal development. However, this is not very soothing; your head is just dealing with maybe the breakup of a relationship or the loss of a job.
They are in a better place.
This usually will be said when someone we loved died. Please, never say this because, first of all, you might not know if this person believes in life after death. And even if they believe this they might still have a hard time to come to terms with not having them around anymore. Yes, some people also can get into a deep crisis with their own faith.
Go out and let your hair down or paint the town red.
Very often used when a friend is experiencing a breakdown of a relationship. Somehow people think going out and hitting it off with someone else is the solution in getting over the loss of a relationship. Especially in the early stages a lot of people do not want to go out. They are very likely trying to figuring out how they move on and heal.
Even though it is true, it can hurt like hell. Yes, we all know that we will deal with death or other losses in our lives at one point. However, when it is happening, we are in pain. Reminding a person that this is part of life is cruel because we display a lack of empathy. It also ties in with the sentence: Be strong!
So what can we actually do?
Do you know that sometimes just listening or being there for someone is all they need? Ask them what they need. Sometimes people do not even want to receive hugs because they feel they might lose it in public. Tell them you are there to listen. Try not to fix them. Listening is so very rare these days. Because most of the people just want to throw a quick solution at us.
Article written by Jennifer White of Strong Heart Awakening. Jennifer White Ad. Dip. Psych. is a global human potential thought leader, blogger, Psychological Therapist with CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) skills, Life Coach and Public and Motivational Speaker. Jennifer White has experience in counseling and coaching people with substance misuse, anxiety and depression. She is currently working as a self-employed Psychological Therapist and Life Coach in her practice, helping people reaching their real potential. Jenny holds public and motivational speeches and shared her ideas with other speakers on the stage of the Celebrate Your Life event in Arizona 2016. She runs successfully her self-development and self-help groups on- and offline.
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