Are You Sketching an Unfair Image of Your Lover?

Do you like to talk to your friends about your marriage or relationship? If so, be aware that you may be creating a negative image of your spouse at times. Although this might not be your intention, often times out of frustration, perhaps after a fight, we reveal a certain picture of our spouse that isn’t exactly objective. This is one of the most destructive things you can do in your relationship.

The next time you are out with your friends or talking to your coworkers keep the following points in mind:

What goes around comes around

This is an old saying that you have most likely heard millions of times. The truth is that any time you say anything good or bad it makes an impression. For every action, there is a reaction. If you are painting your spouse in a negative light, don’t be surprised if it comes back to bite you in the butt. Your friends could easily decide to dislike your spouse. This can be a difficult situation. There’s nothing worse than when family and friends don’t approve of your life partner. You also run the risk of turning your friends off towards you. If you are willing to bad mouth your spouse, you most certainly will be willing to bad mouth them, right?

Focus on the solution, not the problem

When you bad mouth your spouse that means you are holding on to and focussing on the negative aspects of your relationship. When you focus on the negative, things seem so much worse than they are in reality. There is a chance that you can actually convince yourself that you have a bad relationship and as a result are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Give your relationship a chance. Instead, try praising your partner. Focus on the good things they have done for you. What do you love about that person? Isn’t that worth talking about?

Be thankful for your relationship

Are you being thankful for having a happy and fulfilling relationship with your partner? Remember to be gracious for the gift you have been given. Don’t treat your gift like yesterday’s bad news. Treat your relationship as a rare gem. You are not going to go to work and tell your co-workers how ugly that $2,000 necklace is. Be mindful of how you are portraying your relationship. If you don’t value it, perhaps you shouldn’t be in it.

Focussing on all the negative aspects of your significant other and bad mouthing them to your friends, family, and co-workers is a sure way to poison your relationship. It feeds bitterness, negative thinking, and often leads to resentment fighting. Think about how it would make you feel if your partner did that to you. Remember to be thankful for what you have. Treat your spouse like a valued person in your life (because they are!) and focus on the good things. Let go of the bad and talk about the good. Paint the portrait that made you fall in love in the first place. In the end, your relationship will be stronger for it.

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