Recently we published a series of articles regarding narcissism. How to know if you are being abused by a Narcissist and what to do to flee the relationship with a Narcissist. What we didn’t touch upon was the romantic relationship with the narcissist. What will life be like if you are in love with a narcissist?
An article published in Psychology Today points out that less than 5% of the population are full-blown Narcissists. When looking at relationships and behavior within relations with the narcissist it is important to distinguish first if your partner is a full-fledged Narcissist or if your partner just simply has narcissistic tendencies.
In most circumstances having a romantic relationship with a true Narcissist is quite impossible unless you are prepared to become a victim of long-term abuse. If, however, your partner has narcissistic tendencies, but also has other tendencies as well, maybe even good ones, then having a relationship with them is feasible.
If you are a person who is dedicated to someone in a narcissistic relationship and refuse to get out now or for some reason feel that you cannot, then this article is for you. Although we would never suggest you stay in an unhealthy environment or relationship, we offer these tips to those who, for whatever reason, are not ready to make that step. It isn’t easy to be in love with a narcissist.
Here are some realities you will have to face.
Accept the fact that you will never have a place in the relationship
If you are hitched with a narcissist and are adamant to make the relationship work, then you must accept the fact that the relationship will never be about you. You can not expect anything from that person. They do not have the capability of being generous or empathetic in any way with your situation unless it fuels their ego in some way. Do not be fooled by good gestures. A narcissist is incapable of good doing outside of their own state of being.
Stop trying to be the person your partner expects you to be
It is impossible to become the person that your narcissistic spouse desires you to be. No living person can live up to those expectations, mostly because they change on a daily basis depending on the needs of the Narcissist. A Narcissist sees you only in relation to how they perceive themselves. If they don’t like the way they appear to others for whatever reason then they will blame it on you. Because they can’t accept blame or take responsibility for anything.
Do not blame yourself for your spouse’s behavior
No matter what happens never blame yourself for your spouse’s bad behavior. Do not blame yourself, but don’t expect your spouse to take the blame either… or apologize… or feel bad about anything. In extreme cases of Narcissism, your partner might even push you to admit you were wrong and try to make you feel bad. Even if you say so to your partner, to appease them, be sure to remain strong and keep internal insight enough to realize what is happening.
A narcissist, a lover or not, will at some point desire to break you. In a romantic relationship, the Narcissist cannot stand the thought that they are the cause or the problem. The moment they sense their partner laying eyes on them in a negative light is the moment when they will try to break you so they control how you see things, but most importantly how you see them. They don’t care if they ruin you in the process as long as they see you are the bad person and not them in your eyes.
To be romantically involved with a true narcissist is not easy and you are in for a long road ahead. Perhaps someday you will find the strength, the will, and the confidence to fight the narcissism and free yourself. Being in love with a narcissist can cause you continual pain. We hope you learn to love yourself more and know that you deserve better. Much luck on your journey. Don’t forget to write a comment below and let us know what you think!
Related Articles: 3 Warning Signs That You Are a Victim of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
How to Break Free From a Narcissistic Person
©Love Wide Open
I was with a narrcasist for almost 12 years before the entire relationship was over. I moved 12000 miles away so that I never had to run into him again. I now have a friend who is in love with a narcissist and I have tried to help him by my experience but he can’t seem to finalize the relationship…… I get it but I just don’t think I can watch this anymore! At first watching and listening to her was enlightening. Now my stomach turns when I see the games…… it’s like looking in a crystal ball! He(my friend) is about to be taken down but he lies to himself that he is playing her not the other way around….. I’m out I guess which is exactly what she wanted anyway but I don’t see the point of beating my head against the wall. It’s not my life, it’s his! Should I just walk away?
All you can do is offer your advice and concern. Sometimes, the people we love need to go through the lessons of understanding that they are in something that is toxic to them. We can only advise until they can hear the message.