It seems simple enough- if you can dazzle your love interest by giving them what they’ve always desired- naturally they will fall in love with you, right? Not so fast. While giving your crush everything they always dreamed of may seem like the perfect way to spark a romance between you, it can lead to unease, disparity and robbing them of all they will gain achieving a goal on their own.
Gratitude is not love.
Making your crush’s dreams come true by giving them an opportunity, an introduction or the money they need to achieve a long-held ambition will certainly make them grateful. However, do not mistake a show of appreciation for what you have done as affection. Even worse, if you reveal your romantic intentions after you make a large gift, you create a condition of indebtedness. Which means your crush may agree to go out on a date with you only because you have given them something and they feel obligated to repay you in some way. Ick.
Money doesn’t buy love.
While the person you admire may enjoy your attention and gifts at first, any disparity in wealth between you and your love interest can be awkward. Heaping luxuries upon your crush in an attempt to sweep them off their feet may have the opposite effect of making them run away fast. Money buys certain comforts which make our lives more enjoyable and money provides freedom from financial stress, but money doesn’t buy love or happiness. Try showing your fondness with romantic gestures that are thoughtful, but don’t cost much.
The journey is important.
The real value to making a dream come true is in the journey. One of my all-time favorite books from childhood is Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls. I re-read this book several times as a child, but also many times in adulthood to remind myself that hard work, love and loss are all important pieces of the human experience. The protagonist in the story, a young boy, can think of nothing else but getting two coon hound puppies. He begs and pleads with his parents to buy him the puppies, but they don’t have any money to give him what he wants. Eventually, the boy forms a plan to earn and save the money he needs to buy the dogs. An arduous two years pass before the boy can scrape together enough money. Two years is an unthinkable eternity to a young child! His journey is fraught with sacrifice, setbacks, and even humiliation, but along the way, he gains friendship, confidence and a strong work ethic. The hard work, the pride and the satisfaction of achieving your dream are not something that can be gifted to you.
We value what we are given, less than what we have earned. Unless there is a sentimental attachment to a particular gift, we generally have less appreciation for something that is handed to us than we do for something we have worked to gain ourselves. So while making your crush’s dreams come true sounds romantic, it may make them uncomfortable. For a true fairy tale ending save any grand gestures for after the relationship is well established.
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©Love Wide Open
