If you want to make your relationship strong and healthy, you must approach it from a place of acceptance. Love is selfless, not selfish. So often, people look for love in order to fulfill a void that is felt. As a result, people will settle for partners and lovers that possess qualities they do not respect and cannot accept. If you cannot accept your lover for all the good and the bad, then you are headed towards destruction in your relationship.
The same can be said for self-acceptance. Also common is that people fall in love because it makes them feel better about themselves. Are you ready, because this is the most important thing you will read today: self-love cannot come from external sources, especially from other people. In order to have long lasting love, you must come to a place of acceptance. You must accept your partner for the good and bad and you must accept yourself too.
This is easier said than done. Our brains tell us we should put the other person first, but healthy relationships don’t happen that way. You must love and respect yourself first and the rest will come later.
While we can’t give you an exact recipe of how to come to a place of acceptance inside of yourself and in your relationship, we can give you some of the key ingredients!
How to Achieve Acceptance:
Be thankful for what you have and not envy what you don’t.
This one is number one on the list for a reason. There’s an old proverb that says “envy eats nothing, but it’s own heart.” Envy, especially when it comes from a place of jealousy will destroy a relationship faster than anything. It also is a sure way to tear yourself down.
When we spend our time counting the blessings of others, we miss out on experiencing our own. To look at another couple, for example, and say, “I wish I had a relationship like that” robs you of the chances of being able to build that type of relationship with your significant other.
Strong loving relationships take work. To label your relationship as not being a certain way is a ticket to skipping out on the work. We create our own destinies. If we say something is certain, that is all it will ever be to us. The same is true of any scenario whether it be within your relationship or is simply in your day to day life. If you tell yourself that you’re ugly, that’s all you’ll ever be to yourself, even when others tell you that you’re beautiful.
When is the last time you felt true heartfelt gratitude for all the amazing things in your life? Giving thanks is a powerful force that we all possess. You may not realize how powerful it is.
You may or may not be conscious of the fact that you have been beating yourself and others up for mistakes that have transpired in the past. If this is the case then it’s time to forgive.
Have you ever heard people talk about being jealous because of experiences that transpired in past relationships? Because they were cheated on in the past, they are jealous in their new relationship. We just covered how destructive jealousy can be in a relationship. Stop punishing people and yourself for old mistakes. Don’t hold your partner accountable for the actions of an ex. Even more important than that, realize that what happened wasn’t because you weren’t worth it.
This is one example. Perhaps you were the cheater. Perhaps you abused or were abused. Life isn’t easy: in fact, it beats you up. Why beat yourself up more? Consider the fact that it might be time to forgive and move on to a place of happiness. It’s the only way to break the cycle.
Focus on the good and stop criticizing
Another ingredient that is easier said than done, but necessary in the process of acceptance is to focus on the good and stop criticizing everything. We all have a need to love and accept. Tearing people down, whether that person is you or your loved one, will create the opposite effect.
But at first it was so good, right? Your partner seemed to do everything right. Everything seemed so perfect and now that person has turned out to be someone else? Your partner doesn’t help around the house, talks too much, can’t sit through an entire video, plays too many video games, never gets off the cell phone? Whatever your new found issues are, and there are always issues, unless it’s really harmful to you or them, keep it to yourself. Criticizing your partner isn’t going to change anything for the better. In fact, it’s sure to make things worse. The best thing to do? Accept your lover faults and all.
The same goes for you. You don’t like your hair? To tall? Too short? Too thin…too fat? Why not focus on the good things instead? What do you love about your significant other? What do you love about yourself? Try making a list and every time you feel the need to criticize, focus on something good instead.
True love begins from a place of acceptance. If you refuse to love yourself more, then chances are you will never respect the person that chooses to be with you. How can you respect someone who loves someone you hate? Also be mindful that when you’re mean to yourself, it hurts the people who love you.
Good luck in your endeavor for self-discovery, love, and happiness as you learn to open heart space not only to those you love but to yourself as well.
Articles of Interest: What Does It Mean to Love Someone Unconditionally?
©Love Wide Open