What To Do If You and Your Partner Speak Different Love Languages

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Do you speak different love languages than your partner?  In the book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, author Gary Chapman explains that there are five languages to express and take in love:

Acts of Service

Quality Time

Gifts

Words of Affirmation

Physical Touch

We all speak the language of love just a little different and some of us speak 1, 2, or even 3 languages at a given time. Often partners will complain about their significant other that they are unable to give them what they need.  Nine times out of ten this is because they speak different love languages.

So, what happens when you and your partner speak different love languages? It certainly creates challenges in a relationship. Often times it can lead to tears, misunderstandings, and feelings of depletion or emptiness. When your love cup goes dry, it’s hard to fill up someone else’s.

If you are giving your partner love in a way that they cannot receive it, you are not only depleting yours, but you are wasting yours. This leaves you both empty. See the dilemma? If this sounds all too familiar, keep reading!

Here’s what you can do:

  1. Figure out what love languages you and your partner speak – the first thing to do is to take the time to detect what language you and your partner speak. This gives us the opportunity to detect when our partners are trying to love us rather than be clueless about their advances. You might be surprised at how often your significant other is reaching out to you.
  2. Learn to detect when your partner is trying to love you – there is an important learning curve involved when it comes to being able to detect your partner’s advances. For one, you need to know what to look for. Does your significant other give and receive love physically? If so, how often is your partner reaching out to you for affection? How many times do you turn them away? Being rejected when you’re trying to share love is painful whether we want to admit it or not, so don’t do it anyway. Instead be receptive now that you understand what’s happening.
  3. Express your needs clearly to your partner – express to your partner that where they may receive love one way, your needs are a bit different. For example, if you need to have quality time with your spouse, but your spouse needs physical love, try giving your partner what they’re asking for and at the same time say, “thanks for the loving, but you know what would make me feel really special? A date night with just the two of us. Would you be willing to do that for me?” Any good partner will jump on board with this and the willingness alone is enough to start making you feel more loved.

You may even find that after a period of time, you will start fluently speaking your partners love languages, allowing you to open yourself and your heart space to take in love via multiple ways. Wouldn’t it be ideal if we could speak all the languages of love all of the time? As humans, we must work on these blocks. Ask ourselves, why can we not experience love in certain ways and then work on the source of the problem. In the end, we are all creatures of love. We all desire to love an be loved. Sometimes we need to be a little more open to it. Good luck and much love to you and yours! 

Related Article:  How To Tell If You Share a Love Bond

©Love Wide Open

 

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