How do you show others the love you were never shown?
Opening yourself up to give something you were never given is a challenge. Especially when that something is love. But lucky for us, humans are born with an ability to love. It isn’t something we learn necessarily, but it is something difficult to access if we’ve never been shown how to express it or if we have a difficult time doing so.
People who associate love with pain from early on life experience may have a difficult time opening heart space for their loved ones. The love is a trigger to the psyche that pain is around the corner. Where logically we understand that not all love hurts, we have unconsciously created ties and our instinct is the flee. Sadly, loved ones are the ones who must pay the price. They feel rejected and alone after their loved one scurries off and abandons them.
There is nothing worse than coming to the realization that you pushed away and hurt someone you love. In fact, in discovering that you are doing to them the exact thing that had caused the hurt in you in the first place is downright excruciating. The behavior is especially debilitating in childhood and throughout young adolescents.
Coming to a place of love and trust where you realize you must retrain your brain to better express your love to the people in your life so that they do not end up with the same issues is the first step in opening your heart space to them. Whereas this is a personal journey with different steps for each person to take to achieve their goal, there are a few pointers we’d like to share that we hope will help you in your journey towards recovery.
Remember these things:
Change happens from the inside out
Sometimes trusting other people is a risk worth taking
You must learn to love yourself
Don’t make your loved ones jump through hoops to be near you, you DO deserve their love.
Don’t hurt yourself by hurting the ones you love
Don’t lash out when you are hurting
Go against your instincts
Embrace your emotions, good and bad
Never resist a moment to show you care
Never consciously push someone you love away
Recognize when you do that subconsciously
Learn how to hug
Push through the awkward discomfort of being physically close to people
Learn to accept yourself for all the good and bad
Accept the fact that others will accept you
Stop putting yourself down. When you put yourself down it hurts your loved ones
Let go of the past
Forgive those who couldn’t love
Forgive those who could not express that they loved
Create a better future for your children
Think of others
Do not give into the temptation to play games, this is your life.
It takes a lot of work to show others the love you were never shown. Above all, remember we only get a chance to live this life once. Take joy in the love you’ve been given. It’s a gift that must begin with you.
Related Article: How To Tell If You Share a Love Bond
@Love Wide Open