3 Ways You Are Damaging Your New Relationship

You keep your weekend plans open to be with your new love. You envision what it will be like to grow old together. The sky is bluer, the neighbors are friendlier and life, in general, is just grand. Then suddenly your new love has work commitments, family events or friend activities that don’t include you. At first, you understand. After all, you’ve been together every moment for weeks now, it’s reasonable that your love will need to catch up with friends, family, and work. But after a few more weeks go by you try to make plans and are put off at the last minute. You’ve already turned down invitations from your own friends to be available for your new love. Now you start to wonder what happened… the two of you seemed so perfect for one another. The reality is, you may have been damaging your new relationship all along.

Here are three ways you may have turned your new love away without realizing:


1. You Became An Obsessive Communicator

How much contact is too much in a new relationship? Should you call every day? Text every morning? Stop by your beloved’s workplace? Should you plan your next get- together at the end of each date?
The answer is that there is no magic number for how many calls or texts are appropriate. What is important is that your communication style and frequency matches your dating partner’s comfort level. So how do you know it’s compatible? You may think, if my beloved answers every time I call and responds to every text, we’re on the same page, right? Wrong. Ask yourself, and be honest, how often do you start a texting conversation compared to how often your new love starts the conversation. How often do you call versus how often does your partner call. How often are you the one scheduling a date and how often does your sweetheart suggest a rendezvous. If you are always the one initiating an interaction, you are likely over-whelming your new love and may soon see signs of your sweetheart pulling away.

2. You tried to U-haul

This is a lesbian joke. “What do lesbians do on the second date?  Answer: They rent a U-haul.” Nonetheless, any couple can fall into this trap. Any couple.  You’ve waited a long time for the perfect love to come along and now that you’ve found one, naturally you want to be together all the time. Stop. There is value in taking it slow, or at least slower. Ok, so maybe you didn’t actually move in together yet. Still, if you are staying over too often, maybe your new love is feeling a bit smothered.

3. You became too familiar, too fast

Have you looked at every one of your beloved’s Facebook photos? Have you memorized everyone in them? Do you know your sweetheart’s favorite flower? How about your love’s favorite color or favorite food? Do you know the names of all of your new love’s family members? What about all the names of previous lovers … or dead pets? You see the picture. Getting to know someone should be at a pace the person feels comfortable with. If you have been cyberstalking your new love to learn every facet of their life, then you haven’t given them a chance to tell you about their life at an acceptable pace.

If you recognize yourself in any of these behaviors it’s time to restrain your eagerness enough to allow a relationship to develop naturally. Take a deep breath, go for a walk, call your best friend, do whatever you need to do to make your concentration on that new crush just a little less, well… crushing.

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